The unconscious questions we pose can place us on one of two paths: one of negativity or one of choice. In her book, Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, Marilee Adams make the distinction between “judger” questions and “learner” questions: Judger questions put us in a defensive stance, possibly blaming others and seeing situations as win or lose. Learner questions, on the other hand, open up possibilities, seek solutions and support a win-win mindset.

Here are some examples from Adam’s book:

From: Change Your Questions, Change Your Life by Marilee Adams

Exercise: Observe yourself in action. What questions come up in your daily experience? Are they judger questions – engendering negative moods and feelings – or more open and curious learner questions? You will have both, of course. We all do. But when you notice yourself asking a judger question you can switch your mindset by asking new questions. Adams suggests some like: How else can I think about this? Where would I like to be? And How can I turn this into a win-win situation? Notice what changes in your feelings and thinking about the situation.

(Exercise adapted from Change Your Questions, Change Your Life by Marilee Adams)

Want more? Change Your Questions, Change Your Life: 7 Powerful Tools for Life and Work by Marilee Adams