“Wow,” I said, “you’re a musician!” Screech! The breaks went on, his eyes got big. “NO!” his emphatic response. “I just play.”

What’s going on here? How can my friend deny something that so clearly feeds his soul? What keeps him from owning his musicianship? One word: Fear.

Fear shows up in other ways too. A young manager I know is dissatisfied with his performance as a leader. He believes he is not assertive enough and is not perceived as a leader by others. When he considers the worst thing about not been seen as a leader, it is just that – not being seen. If he speaks his opinion, others may ignore it and he’ll feel worthless. His fear of this is so great that he unconsciously stifles his natural leadership ability rather than risk it.

We all have fears. Some may be deeply traumatic, but most are everyday, nagging, “I’m not good enough” worries that have become habitual. These habits, borne of trying to avoid emotional discomfort, are often so deeply rooted that we unconsciously believe them to be true.

We process the fear we feel from emotional “threats” in the same way we face a rattlesnake in our path. Our instinctive response triggers the brain to release chemicals and fire nerves, resulting in stress and a readiness to run or fight. Fight or flight is an inborn reaction that bypasses our rational mind, distorts thinking, and actually heightens fear.

So is it any wonder that we try to protect ourselves from getting too close to emotional danger? The manager who fears worthlessness certainly wouldn’t do the thing he believes will take him there. His whole body unconsciously tells him NOT TO!

The musician, perhaps worried his life will change irrevocably if he unleashed the power of his passion, unconsciously keeps distance from music by refusing to claim it for himself. Just think of how much this “safety” costs!

The good news is that fear can be a friend: it helps us debunk the self-myths that get in the way of accomplishing what we most want in life. Start noticing your fears and ask them to step forward. Examining these barriers enables you to choose a satisfying, conscious, reaction.

Most likely you’ll know fear is talking when that nay- saying inner critic starts up. Gremlins, as Rick Carson calls these bossy, negative voices in his popular book, Taming Your Gremlin, often say things like, “you should,” "you must," “you can’t,” or “you don’t deserve.” It may also show up as tension in your body or procrastination.

So be on the lookout and next time you hear the voice of your Gremlin, stop for a second, close your eyes and try this:

• Listen carefully. What is your fear saying to you?
• Imagine the creature, the Gremlin, you are listening to. Is it a person or a monster or something else? What does he/she/it look like? Is it short, tall, fat, thin, hairy?
• What is the Gremlin’s intention for saying what it does?
• How does its “advice” help you and hinder you?
• What do you want to say back to your Gremlin?
• You may even want to draw a picture of your Gremlin.

Noticing your Gremlin helps you differentiate the ugly creature from yourself. Then, when you hear those negative inner voices starting up, you can choose a reaction instead of experiencing unconscious avoidance. I sent my Gremlins into the other room while I finished this newsletter. Others I know have sent their Gremlins on vacation to Tahiti or even “exploded” them Wylie Coyote style!

I challenge you to buddy up to your Gremlins to get acquainted with how fear is holding you back. Write me and share your Gremlins. I bet they are fascinating!

If you are curious about the Gremlins that bullied Laura while writing this newsletter, follow the link below!